Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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