I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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