Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize