He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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