trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Vodka?
Forever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
