yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
