i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
