Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
