Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
