I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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