I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
