People in love make me want to vomit
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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