I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
