After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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