Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
