Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
