Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize