whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
