I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
