He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
