eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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