he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
