Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
