Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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