I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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