the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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