So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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