No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
