He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
