"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize