the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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