just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There r osticjed everywhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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