you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
