I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
