look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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