I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize