woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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