uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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