eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
