Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
