and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We're too hungover to prance.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
