Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
