Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
