a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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