on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
