R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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