Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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