Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
