I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
