Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
