Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
