Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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