i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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