I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
