They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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