bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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