nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
