are you so shy because you have an std?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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