is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize