He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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