I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
