she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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