Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
