Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
