I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
