in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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