Small penises have feelings too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
