i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
