it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
